The following is a report & review I done on 10 /12 /13 of
REVIEW OF RECOMENDATIONS REPORT BY EKOS LTD
In 2010 the
steering group agreed to recommend to the council that the town house
site be perused as the preferred way forward following a presentation by
Ekos ltd, on cost benefit analyses .
the steering group also agreed that both sites be subject of further in-depth investigation.
http://www.ekos-consultants.co.uk/
In
the cost benefit analysis report by Ekos ltd for Irvine Bay, presented in
September 2010 Ekos make reference to the two proposed sites the
council is considering for a new build sports center, before laying out
an agenda which fails to address the financial benefits of refurbishment
& development of the existing Magnum leisure, sports &
recreation center & surrounding site location as a viable
development, investment site, stating;
(1.1 background)
"over a number of years the quality of the building has diminished,
&
we understand that some facilities have been closed. Due to these
factors the center no longer has the wide geographical pull it one had."
It
then goes on to list the facilities the new site hope to offer, failing
to recognize that these facilities are comparable to existing
facilities within the Magnum center, and that the Magnum in its original
state offered many more sporting & cultural options and had the
capacity to host a number of large national & international events
including sporting & other competitions ie ballroom dance and
ice-skating, boxing gymnastics & curling tournaments.
Restored & renovated to its former glory
the Magnum has the capacity to offer a programme of events facilitating
not only the local community needs, but that would serve as a sports
recreation & cultural venue able to host and attract many revenue
generating options within the locale, benefiting not only existing
businesses, but with the options for external development the beach
-park & science island offer for investment & development
reflecting Irvine as a Scottish seaside town & tourist attracting
rich in cultural & historical interest sites worth visiting.
These
refurbishment & development options far outweigh any assumption of
benefits from the new smaller rebuild options at the Townhouse location
site in regard of projected footfall spends within the town center
area.
Additionally as the proposed Magnum 2 Townhouse rebuild has
a 60% capacity reduction this indicates reduction in staffing
requirements, as well as reduced revenue from prospective business &
availability in terms of footfall within, & subsequently outwith the
venue itself, as well as the fact that the new Magnum 2 , should it be
built in the townhouse site reduces & limits all options for hosting
large competitive sport & cultural events both locally and
internationally, which the Magnum has a proven track record in its
history of doing, and could do again, were it to be refurbished to its
original state.
It is fair to suggest that much of the decline in
business & revenue issues that the Magnum has had to contend with
in recent years are a result of poor management & maintenance, as
well as effects from socio economic down turns within the wider area
resulting from closures & reduced household incomes within the
populous resulting from redundancies & unemployment impacts.
I will included later a separated summery of proposals for some of the options
of suggestions for promotional packages, membership offers & deals
that could be put in place at the Magnum that would increase revenue
within the center & that could be developed with existing local
businesses, that would reflect comparably,(better) as assumed revenue
generators £ per £ than those quoted as projections resulting from
projected footfall of the new proposed town center site.
The Ekos recommendation report statement says.
1. "we understand that..."
this
suggest that thorough examination of the Magnum facilities and site
have either not been done, or have been ruled out in favor of new build
perspective of cost comparisons of refurbishment of Magnum that would be
substantially cheaper than rebuild.
2. Due consideration of the
benefits of full refurbishment of Magnum facilities appear not to have
been considered in respect of what refurbishment to its original state
would have in respect of;
a. geographic pull,
b. offering additional employment & training opportunities that the smaller new site proposal fail to equal .
c.
Reflecting the harbor side as a prime growing development location for
arts & cultural, outdoor sport & environmental & wildlife
training & learning location, not withstanding the opportunities
for development & investment of the now derelict science park within
the local.
d.Development & investment opportunities within the area of
existing retail & hospitality business.
All
of which would encourage footfall with in the harbor side location
throughout the year & greatly benefit the tourist & seasonal
opportunists that Irvine, as a seaside town with a strong historical
cultural heritage has to offer from a tourist & visitors
perspective.
Not withstanding that Irvine is a TOWN not just a
TOWN CENTER which the proposed regeneration proposals & strategy
bases its projections around disproportionately favoring projections for
economic growth & revenue influx potential as being centered around
the town center as a retail complex which it unrealistic &
uninspired as a potential strategy development that benefits all aspects
of the town & community needs.
In retrospect the existing
Magnum can be shown to reflect a positive cost effective projection
through job creation & footfall that would see the creation of an
additional 75 -200+ full time, part time jobs in the area on completion
of refurbishment & development, in addition to temporary employment
opportunities during the refurbishment & development project. Which
is considerably higher than those given in the report as figures related
to town center projections.
Additionally these projected job
creation figures do not include projections for the development of
science park or beach park area development which with the right
development & investment could see the creation of a further 100
-200+ permanent full & part time employed positions as well as
training & volunteer opportunities. And could conceivably be created
though private investment
incentives, or joint public & privately
funded ventures. Further relieving expenditure of public funds.
(
see my previous proposals for beech-park development ie Equestrian
center, environmental & wild life sanctuary, cycle proficiency
school, skate park development, bmx track ect.)
The Ekos recommendations are made on a number of projected assumptions,
1.3 STUDY ASSUMPTION
The ongoing revenue cost & revenue income for the new build development proposals.
note
from this point in their report & recommendations the renovation/
refurbishment of the existing Magnum site has more or less been
disregarded & the recommendations are geared towards establishing
solely positive recommendations relate to the options for the 2 new
build proposed sites, without due consideration of consultation with the
local community by the council on behalf or with Irvine Bay developers.
Bearing in mind this report was presented in 2010 &
consultations began in 2009, this suggest that consideration of local
resident & community groups input & had been done and dusted by
2010 despite the on going safe the Magnum campaign by local residents
& community groups.
The recommendations address both the
original proposed sites,which now 3 yrs on, we know the chosen site is
the town center location & demolition work has already been done
that over rode all objections from local residents regarding
environmental & historical heritage issues related to the buildings
that previously existed on this site.
This reflects total
disregard of the feelings & input of local residents & the local
community groups opposed to the project by NSA, and highlights the
struggle & opposition to the Save the Magnum campaign by those with
substantial influence & power from within the local council &
political parties in Irvine who have all publicly backed the Irvine Bay
development project.
(
despite the fact that they represent the community & work for the
tax payers they are not working in the communities best interest but in
the interest of the big corporate money, as opposed to small local
business growth despite what they may say.)
I suggest that as the Townhouse site has now been demolished & cleared that the focus
for the save the Magnum campaign is to prove to the NAC, Irvine Bay
Developers & associates, that it is a more viable & economically
sound proposition to save the existing Magnum , refurbish & develop
the Magnum Beach park, and water front location in a way that is
generates employment opportunities, generates revenue & increases
footfall to in the whole Irvine area as well as addressing &
improving vital health & social welfare issues in accordance with
the key policy points as determined on page 7, of the recommendations
report under heading
2.4 strategic fit & contribution
It
is stated in the recommendations that the townhouse building &
location would serve as a catalyst for development of office &
retail use. ( impact reported separately) & that without the sports
center development this will impact on adjacent buildings,( which is
said are unlikely to be developed in next 5 yrs without the sport center
build)
These assumptions are unfounded with no valid evidence to
support them reflected, which I suggest shows this report stands to
serve more as a promotional & propaganda exercise on behalf of
Irvine Bay developers & NAC, than a factual report based on valid
assessment of location or sociological or economic probabilities or
forecasts.
(much in the same way the chancellor of the exchequer
does with his budget, it reads more like a political propaganda paper
laying the councils agenda in a way that serves most favorably to sway
public opinion.)
There is no valid reason to assume the adjacent
property could not be subject of private or indeed public development
or sale for investment as it is within the main town center area,
additionally having undergone extensive regeneration to date the town
center should not be, & is not dependent on the building of the
sports center, indeed the proposed town center site is more likely to
have a negative effect on the town center in way of footfall resulting
from various sociological , physiological & environmental issues.
( i shall address these issues under the heading Townhouse rebuild issues)
Nor
does the recommendations account for the needs of the community in
regard of the proposed housing development projects, which are veered
in favor of the private sector as opposed to social housing (rented
accommodation)
Irvine is an area with high deprivation scores and high unemployment figures.
There
are existing problems of inadequate social housing provisions in
relation to the needs of the existing residents & community
additionally the housing developments proposals is geared towards the
private sector & bought housing with a larger number of houses being
allocated for sale than those allocated for social housing which does
not comply with the needs, or financial resources of the existing
community.
Although these proposal project bringing new "life" to
the area this can be reflected to inflame existing problems in relation
to job opportunists & housing issues, and it would be fair to
suggest that the needs of the existing community, who have in the past
20 year suffered from redundancies and closures of local industries and
businesses, should be served and accommodated as a priority which would
then serve as both a viable pitch towards future investment from outside
the area as a location with thriving employment & economic
viability to people wishing to take up residence in the area.
Under
the heading 2.4 Strategic fit & contribution, the Ekos report
recommendations table 2.1 sets out the assessment of key benefits &
dis-benfits of options stating they are unable to determine which
option makes the greater contribution towards the objective & have
thus attributed both options , referring to the 2 proposed new build
sites as of 2010 .
However the completely fail to give comparable
assessment pertaining to the possible benefits or dis-benefits of the
refurbishment & development prospects of the original Magnum sports
center & out lying location of the beach-park area & surrounding
Magnum site.
Before addressing the points related to what Ekos state as;
The
the key policy options on which the assessment have been made I draw
your attention to the page 7, Heading 2.3, option 3 The existing Magnum
in which the recommendation report states.
" Good practice
guidance for project appraisal requires consideration of the counter
factual, or do nothing /do minimal option. This section outlines the
impact benefits
& dis benefits of maintaining the current Magnum center.
The Magnum center is located on the Riverfront, outwith the town center area.
The majority of users will travel by private transport with very few making a joint trip to the town center.
This option is assumed to have limited positive impact in generating trips & spend, and will therefore
not support the partners aspirations for the towns regeneration.
The
benefits of this option is that it does not require a major capital
investment. in the development of a new sports center, but we
understand that the existing Magnum is not fit for purpose &
requires major investment. "
Thus the existing Magnum is ruled
out of recommendations analysis and considerations in three short
paragraphs, on what appear to be a set of assumptions &
understanding that suggest no proper or thorough research or analysis of
the facilities, existing architectural construction & structural
assets or benefits related to refurbishment & maintaining the site
from both cost effective & projected revenue generation perspective
, have been examined , analyzed and considered in relation to the
recommendation report.
Furthermore the language used ie ;"
assumed" "we understand", suggest that facts pertaining to the possible
refurbishment of the Magnum have not been checked or researched and are
based on these assumptions & understanding that it could be
suggested reflect that the Ekos report and recommendations are based on
a a pre determined directive that supports the NSA , Irvine Bay &
unnamed associates agenda aimed at promoting a strategy designed to
increase footfall to the town center shopping areas predominantly
occupied by established corporate chain businesses & franchises
& to the detriment of smaller local business out with the town
center location.
Additionally, these hear say assumptions and
understandings shown no valid supporting evidence, factual or statistics
to support the claims made & this could imply that these
recommendations & the report are not only a reflection of unethical
practice but could indicate mal or even corrupt business practice on the
part of all interested parties, ie;
NAC, Irvine Bay Development
& associated companies including Ekos Ltd, but I suggest you seek
proper legal advice and consultation on these points as I am not 100%
sure if I am correct in these allegations they are my personal opinion.
I do find it particularly interesting that the recommendation report pertaining to the issues I have bullet pointed state
1. that it does not support the partners aspirations for the towns regeneration
Irvine as a town does not exists, nor should it be, dependent wholly on
footfall to the town center shopping area to generate economic revenue
and employment this reflects a very limited aspiration & blinkered
view of the towns vast wealth of historical , cultural & environment
assets & indeed outlying business opportunities over a large and
varied sector of retail outlets, hospitality & events venues &
office space accommodation, that could be used to promote both revenue
& job creation infinitives from small & larger business
investment opportunities funded through private , public and joint
initiatives.
2. In paragraph 3, option 3 the existing Magnum.
the report states in one sentence separated only by a comma & 15 words that the Magnum ,
"does not need major capital investment in the development of a new sports center....
but is
"no longer fit for purpose & requires major investment"
(i'm
not sure if this reflects a contraindication in terms, irony, or just
really poor report writing skills & or, inaccurate & poor
representation & interpretation of the facts!?)
My
research and conversations with people in the community reflect that the
biggest obstacle that affected footfall to the existing Magnum was the
transport issue relating to public transport & this issue supports
the physiological aspects I referred to earlier.
Additionally, points related to transport are reflected in the Ekos report.
Transport
related issues are fundamental to many aspects of the regen &
development projects for both town center and the Riverfront/Harbor
side area.
This is shown in in the Ekos report as a bullet point
(4) under the key policy points of the Irvine Town regeneration plan ,
2.4 Strategic Fit & Contributions which states;
connections - to improve connections between the waterfront, train station, town center and local communities;
From
this point on I shall attempt to address individual points in relation
to the town House, town center site as we now know this the site that
has been chosen for the proposed new sports center and I shall compare
points and address issues with the existing Magnum & waterfront
location since the recommendations as of page 10, 3 recommendations
the existing Magnum has been discounted from this point in the report
as reflected in paragraph 1 of these recommendations and it is these
points that form the basis and purpose of the save the Magnum campaign.
I
feel I should make it clear that from page 10 I found it a bit
confusing and difficult to understand some of the points that were being
made in the report,
additionally the projected figure &
calculations were difficult to follow, and did not seem to reflect
logical or realistic projections even under the pretext of being
assumptions, additionally I admit that these types of numeric
projections are not within my skills base nor indeed do I make claim
that these types of calculations are one of my strong points, I can give
projections with regard to job creations impact , however I do not, cannot
make claim to being able to do the net or gross costing calculations,
these types of numbers are not within my remit of skills.
Additionally
I felt that from from page 10 there was reference to information that
is not included in the report ( which I note is client confidential )
and again I get the feeling that the report is constructed around the
issues I mentioned earlier in relation to favorable reflections that may
reflect unethical , & or corrupt practice in relation to the
various entities within the alliance of NAC, Irvine Bay Development
& other unnamed associates which does reflects practice that is not
necessarily strategically focused on what's best for the people &
Irvine community but more focused on profit margins and financial
benefits to the NAC, Irvine Bay Development & other unnamed
associates involved in the business alliance.
This feeling would
seem to be corroborated by what appears to show that the recommendation
have gone with the most expensive option on assumptions related to
quantitative benefits & issues related to potential as a catalyst
for the redevelopment of the town house building & projected
quantifiable benefits generated by the town house within the high street
option & information given to Ekos by NSA & Irvine Bay
Development.
I shall now try explain & address what I
determine as the key positive points for the renovation &
refurbishment of the existing Magnum
& the positive benefits
of building residential accommodating as opposed to the sports center
within the town house town center site, where the demolition of existing
buildings has been carried out
and demonstrate;
misrepresentations made or issues ignored by the recommendations of the Ekos report.
Risk assessment in relation to health & safety & socio & environmental critical assessment.
People
seldom plan a shopping trip before or after a planned visit to a sport
sports center, whither it be by public or private transport as in
relation to the following points.
They may be carrying sporting equipment or clothing , ie towels swimsuits, rackets, dance shows etc.
If
they are using public transport they have to lug it round the shops
with them, so they are unlike to make major purchase before going to the
sports center because then there is the additional storage costs during
their time spent at sports center, additionally storage depository
space is small and does not accommodate shopping bags often offering
limited space for clothing & shoes & equipment bags space.
Thre is a small risk of theft from lockers while partaking in the sport. Basically its inconvenient.
If
the same sinareo regarding public transport is considered as a post
sports center participation is applied it is generally found that people
again don't want to carry sports requirement or clothing , possible wet
swimwear or towels round the shops, additionally after vigorous
exersise people seldom feel like shopping & this could be in
relation to appearance, ( particularly in relation to the fair sex) Or
tiredness or even that I feel chilled , de-stressed after work out
don't want the stress of "busy" shops center etc.
Psychologically
the shopping center experience is associated with an ambiance of
busyness & lots of ppl, whither this is reflected in actual numbers
of bodies or not, it is therefore not generally a activity that ppl plan
around visits to sports centers.
So even allowing for the minimum
footfall possibilities the numbers projected do not reflect an accurate
or statistically viable representation in relation to people using
public transport.
if we now consider the same sinareo using private transport we have similar and additional negative reflections.
If
shopping is partaken before visiting the sports center there may be a
risk to perishable goods let in car. Additionally if its non perishable
shopping that has been partaken with a view to leaving it in the car
there is risk of opportunist theft, its recognize that the MO of
opportunist thieves is often reflect as an observation of an
opportunity, ie they see someone putting the bags or parcels in the car,
they watch their movements when they leave the car, where their going,
ie into other shops or cinema , or whatever in this case a sports
center, and seize the opportunity to have it away with the items left in
car. this reflects risk of insurance claim for damage to car, loss of
purchases, inconvenience and additional expense.
These point may
seem trivial, however as part of any economic & social development
appraisals, risk assessment and & critical analysands of social and
environmental issues are, or should be fundamental to assessment &
recommendations of reports made. Ekos have failed to address these
issues or consider these factors in appraisal recommendations report
& they are valid points of reference in the Townhouse site
location, bearing in mind Irvine is a town with high deprivation and
unemployment & it would be negligent to pretend that there is not an
existing problem of anti social behaviors related to car theft &
robberies within the town center and other areas that will in effect
impact on people shopping habits in relation to visiting a sports center
or shopping trips from a physiological perspective.
The exsisting Magnum has non of these problems,& offers many aditional positive aspects for users who may wish to use other harbor side venues.
ie.
The Magnum has ample parking space & there is exstensive areas to expand parking facilities.
The Magnum has ample room offering locker space which could also be extended allowing uses to deposit changes of clothing for use of external attractions, ie going jogging along beach or for cycling, aditionally with the correct programmes in place there could be facilities for theraputic sauna & massage , beauty therapies etc & with the refurbishment of the magnum theater & cinema patrons could have a whole day of events including day sports & health thearapies & then shower change & enjoy evening entertainment inside the venue or at other venues offering hospitality & entertainment on the harborside.
The biggest issue at the exsisting Magnum is the bus service and this I suggest is easily addressed and again would benefit all harborside beachpark & seaside locations.
to be continues...
Friday, January 31, 2014
letter in response to article in irvine herald today about BRIAN DONAHOE MP
19:47
To: news@irvineherard.co.uk
Interesting as it was as Mr Donahoe boasted of his years of loyal service to the community, I couldn't help but stop to ponder my own experience of communications with Mr Donahoe & a particular incident where he questioned the role of MP's with regard to "duty of care "
"You make a point about a “duty of care and responsibility” to constituents in this context, but I do not understand how that would work. Where does a “duty of care” apply in relation to Members of Parliament? Tony Blair is no longer in Government, so I do not see what protection you are seeking from his actions."
this link will take you to the full content within which the comment was made http://junei96.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/latest-corrispondance-sent-to-mp-today.htmlhttp://
At the time I found it alarming that an MP with 23 years service would question me , a constituent as to what the duty of care might be of a MP in serving the community & indeed the nation. The following link takes you to my response to Mr Donohoes comment regarding duty of care.
http://http://junei96.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/reply-to-previous-corrispondance-from.html
Which brings me to my next point & the failure of Mr Donahoe to back the Save the Magnum campaign.
As I am sure you are aware,there are a great many local people opposed to the New proposed Magnum site in the center of town which will bring numerous traffic risks to safety as well as parking issues to the town center, so interesting again that Mr Donahoe who has not supported the save the Magnum campaign talks in the asticle about his great interest in transport and infrastructure, and yet one of the biggest issues with regard to the exsisting Magnum is the transport links & poor bus service to the harbourside area, and lets not forget that improved transport services to this area would not only serve those wishing to attend the Magnum, but also other existing business & leisure & recreation sites within the harbour side area that would benefit from improved bus service at the harbourside the Harbour arts center, Maritime Museum & court yard gallaries being just three i can think of off hand, and additionally as a seaside town I suggest that an improved bus service to that location would also boost visitors to the beach park area during the summer months.
Indeed the beach park area surrounding the existing Magnum, were it to be renovated & refurbished to its former glory offers numerous opportunities for expansion & investment that would boost employment training & indeed health sports & recreational opportunities. The following link will give examples of just some of the oppertunities I see that could benefit from investment in renovating & refurbishment of the exsisting magnum & surrounding site
http://http://junei96.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/focusing-on-local-community-irvine-save.html
but the very busy Mr Donohoe apparently doesn't support the Save The Magnum campaign & would rather see an over spend of tax payers money on a project that offers neither the capacity the exsisting Magnum offers ( the new magnum 2 will see a 60% capacity reduction) or the facilites of the existing Magnum were it refurbished to its former glory, which would generate income both to the Magnum & harbour side area.
So in conclusion, yes it was very interesting to read about Mr Donahoes loyal service to the community, and no doubt his position as local MP has served him & his family well particularly when we remember his expenses claims and
Salary: £64,766
Total second home claims
2004-05: £17,552
2005-06: £21,512
2006-07: £22,110
2007-08: £23,083
http://http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/5402849/MPs-expenses-Brian-Donohoe-allowed-to-claim-over-odds-so-fees-office-not-petty.html
http://mpsallowances.parliament.uk/mpslordsandoffices/hocallowances/allowances-by-mp/brian-donohoe/
as for loyal service to the community, personally I suggest it has cost the community dearly and his duty of care would appear to be to himself & his corporate masters but then what should we expect from a man who overclaims on his expenses and has to ask a constituent what the duty of care of an MP is.
your sincerly,
June MacKendrick
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
random ...shit like love happens...
I been thinking a lot about random stuff these last few days...
i do that sometimes..
not cos i want to particularly,
just cos its something that happens, its one of em phases i go thru from time to time...
Anyway,
I got to thinking about the last time i fell in love...
it was a while ago now, about 6 maybe even 7 years..yeah that long...
At the time it wasn't something i had planned on...
certainly didn't expect it,
buts that's kinda the thing about falling in love
you don't really have a say..
like shit... love happens...
At the time & for a time after it happened
i was well angry with myself for letting myself
cos at the time i had enough on my plate,
life was busy...
I was at university doing serious studying shit,
I was bringing up 2 teenagers alone...without support
working part time...
trying to be a granny, to my then newly born grandson, 3oo miles away
and mend broken walls &build bridges
regarding what I believed was a slightly a damaged relationship with my daughter
about past love transgressions & mistakes...
man trouble ws the last thing i needed or wanted in my life.
Additionally, me being me, it wasn't straight forward
Nop, I fell in love with a random avitar stranger on the internet!!
and this cunt didn't have just 1 avitar, he had hundreds,
although to be fair on myself the internet, social net working, was all new 2 me.
I didn't get it, I can be naive,so it took a while to realize the multi gravitas angle.
so technically i felt myself falling for the him or to be fair even possibly her, behind the wee cute pics!!!
not good, I already had serious trust issues...
the what if its a woman issue oviously crossed my mind,
not cos i'm anti gay, or anti bisexual...i'm not
but I tried same sex coupling, in my past
fanny just doesn't tickle my fancy
if you know what i mean...
I'v notice people sometimes don't get that...
I love lots of females, I find lots of females attractive, beautiful
but i don't want to have sex with them
I don't feel sexually atracted to them
they don't turn me on...
simple as really.
Anyway... it bothered me, a little for that reason
aditionally because if it was a woman then she was misleading me
to believe she was a man and that is bang out of order.
so, to get back to the point...
deep down I beleive it was a bloke
maybe cos i wanted to beleive that..
Now he didn't lead me on or anything like that
he was friendly... supportive
and I told him how i felt...
There was other shit happening in my life that wasn't plesant
& he was just, well ..
he made it all easier..
so I gave him my soul!!!
yup i am that stupid...but not really
which i shall come to...
i gave him my soul, asked him to look after it for me
that may seem bizarre, but i am often one of bizarre behavior
& i had it on good advice it was the right thing to do
what fool would give that advice in those circumstances u may wonder
well that's private, and between me and my special friend who gave me guidance
on all the issues involved.
anyway, soon after I gave my soul into the safe keeping of my avitar lover
he disappeared ... or at least that's how it appeared
and did he give me back my soul?
did he fuck!!!
I asked , no reply... stone walled as they say...
It was , as I said a difficult time in my life...
and i felt terribly lost, at times even afraid, very afraid
not least because i felt I was, by and large,
having to face some nasty demons more or less alone.
Time passes though,...
i'v done lot of random thinking about it all in the in between times
and I'v come to the conclusion
that i did the right thing giving my soul to avitar man
why ?
because I know he kept my soul safe...
how do I know this?
well , because all things being connected,
particularly souls... to souls &
souls to spirits...
i got through it...
i came to understand many things because of him,
and if he had mistreated or abused my soul
which is always part of me, who ever or where ever is at or with
in safe hands, i remain strong...
stronger... because deep down through the all of it
I never stopped loving avitar man...
it didn't matter that he didn't love me...
or want me ... or feel for me as i did him..,
cos thats how love is...
we don't get to choose who we love or fall in love with...
or who loves or falls in love with us...
or indeed out of love with us...
what matters is that the love given is not abused
is not damaged beyond repair, is not subject to cruelty...
love , I think teaches us many things
not least about our selfs and thus we become better for the lessons
we learn to heal ourselves & thus can help in our interactions with others
so yeah, avitar man, i never stopped loving him,
did i get over him?
i find a funny question in some, many ways...
so all i can say to that is...
i am still in love with him ,
i still see him in the sometimes somewhere of my mind
& sometimes...
in the somewhere everywhere of the world wide web
i may always be in love with him...
but i can't MAKE him feel that way about me
anymore now, than i could then...
not least because i don't know what he looks like sounds like or any other damn thing,
i know only how he made me feel , how he talked to me, and treated me
and that he never did me harm or showed me intent of harm or hurt
if I hurt it was as as a result of my feelings towards him not his to me
or anything he did towards me,
he was, i know without doubt, a good soul
for I have known bad souls & I have danced with demons
and he was neither of those
nor can force myself to not being in love with him
that is, i guess in many respects his love issue...
and i am not resposable for how that makes him feel
6-7 years on i guess its forgotton for him so i don't fret over that!!
so yeah like shit love happens...
sometimes its a bother like shit on the shoe, usually indicating it isn't true
for love is a blessing which i hope it will always feel to be for you...
so, now i get on with my life..
i'm ready to move on with my life
where ever that leads even if thats alone...
always greatful to him, always loving him
for taking good care of my soul
and helping me learn to love myself again
and understand the true deapth of love...
& like Kahil Gibran said...
"make not a bond of love...
...... for love is sufficient unto love"
i do that sometimes..
not cos i want to particularly,
just cos its something that happens, its one of em phases i go thru from time to time...
Anyway,
I got to thinking about the last time i fell in love...
it was a while ago now, about 6 maybe even 7 years..yeah that long...
At the time it wasn't something i had planned on...
certainly didn't expect it,
buts that's kinda the thing about falling in love
you don't really have a say..
like shit... love happens...
At the time & for a time after it happened
i was well angry with myself for letting myself
cos at the time i had enough on my plate,
life was busy...
I was at university doing serious studying shit,
I was bringing up 2 teenagers alone...without support
working part time...
trying to be a granny, to my then newly born grandson, 3oo miles away
and mend broken walls &build bridges
regarding what I believed was a slightly a damaged relationship with my daughter
about past love transgressions & mistakes...
man trouble ws the last thing i needed or wanted in my life.
Additionally, me being me, it wasn't straight forward
Nop, I fell in love with a random avitar stranger on the internet!!
and this cunt didn't have just 1 avitar, he had hundreds,
although to be fair on myself the internet, social net working, was all new 2 me.
I didn't get it, I can be naive,so it took a while to realize the multi gravitas angle.
so technically i felt myself falling for the him or to be fair even possibly her, behind the wee cute pics!!!
not good, I already had serious trust issues...
the what if its a woman issue oviously crossed my mind,
not cos i'm anti gay, or anti bisexual...i'm not
but I tried same sex coupling, in my past
fanny just doesn't tickle my fancy
if you know what i mean...
I'v notice people sometimes don't get that...
I love lots of females, I find lots of females attractive, beautiful
but i don't want to have sex with them
I don't feel sexually atracted to them
they don't turn me on...
simple as really.
Anyway... it bothered me, a little for that reason
aditionally because if it was a woman then she was misleading me
to believe she was a man and that is bang out of order.
so, to get back to the point...
deep down I beleive it was a bloke
maybe cos i wanted to beleive that..
Now he didn't lead me on or anything like that
he was friendly... supportive
and I told him how i felt...
There was other shit happening in my life that wasn't plesant
& he was just, well ..
he made it all easier..
so I gave him my soul!!!
yup i am that stupid...but not really
which i shall come to...
i gave him my soul, asked him to look after it for me
that may seem bizarre, but i am often one of bizarre behavior
& i had it on good advice it was the right thing to do
what fool would give that advice in those circumstances u may wonder
well that's private, and between me and my special friend who gave me guidance
on all the issues involved.
anyway, soon after I gave my soul into the safe keeping of my avitar lover
he disappeared ... or at least that's how it appeared
and did he give me back my soul?
did he fuck!!!
I asked , no reply... stone walled as they say...
It was , as I said a difficult time in my life...
and i felt terribly lost, at times even afraid, very afraid
not least because i felt I was, by and large,
having to face some nasty demons more or less alone.
Time passes though,...
i'v done lot of random thinking about it all in the in between times
and I'v come to the conclusion
that i did the right thing giving my soul to avitar man
why ?
because I know he kept my soul safe...
how do I know this?
well , because all things being connected,
particularly souls... to souls &
souls to spirits...
i got through it...
i came to understand many things because of him,
and if he had mistreated or abused my soul
which is always part of me, who ever or where ever is at or with
in safe hands, i remain strong...
stronger... because deep down through the all of it
I never stopped loving avitar man...
it didn't matter that he didn't love me...
or want me ... or feel for me as i did him..,
cos thats how love is...
we don't get to choose who we love or fall in love with...
or who loves or falls in love with us...
or indeed out of love with us...
what matters is that the love given is not abused
is not damaged beyond repair, is not subject to cruelty...
love , I think teaches us many things
not least about our selfs and thus we become better for the lessons
we learn to heal ourselves & thus can help in our interactions with others
so yeah, avitar man, i never stopped loving him,
did i get over him?
i find a funny question in some, many ways...
so all i can say to that is...
i am still in love with him ,
i still see him in the sometimes somewhere of my mind
& sometimes...
in the somewhere everywhere of the world wide web
i may always be in love with him...
but i can't MAKE him feel that way about me
anymore now, than i could then...
not least because i don't know what he looks like sounds like or any other damn thing,
i know only how he made me feel , how he talked to me, and treated me
and that he never did me harm or showed me intent of harm or hurt
if I hurt it was as as a result of my feelings towards him not his to me
or anything he did towards me,
he was, i know without doubt, a good soul
for I have known bad souls & I have danced with demons
and he was neither of those
nor can force myself to not being in love with him
that is, i guess in many respects his love issue...
and i am not resposable for how that makes him feel
6-7 years on i guess its forgotton for him so i don't fret over that!!
so yeah like shit love happens...
sometimes its a bother like shit on the shoe, usually indicating it isn't true
for love is a blessing which i hope it will always feel to be for you...
so, now i get on with my life..
i'm ready to move on with my life
where ever that leads even if thats alone...
always greatful to him, always loving him
for taking good care of my soul
and helping me learn to love myself again
and understand the true deapth of love...
& like Kahil Gibran said...
"make not a bond of love...
...... for love is sufficient unto love"
Thursday, January 16, 2014
new painting from Hethen project ... fucked in the garden...
unfortunately , having painted this on an old cardboard box cardboard & the ridges show on the photo , but posting it as its part of the serices in the garden... but ... as result of the ridges just gonna call it ..'fucked..in the garden!...'
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
of a different world...
She was filled with a longing....
a longing to lie with him
his knees tucked behind hers...
his arms wrapped around her
her breast cupped in his palm...
his manhood pressing against her buttock...
hard.
She longed to feel the warmth of his breath
on the back of her neck...
feel the moisture of his lips
gently nibble her ear lobe...
smell him ... taste him...
She longed to have him roll onto his back
and feel him, pull her on to his body,
to mount him & ride his passion...
her juices oozing...
She longed to take him in her mouth
& suck his wand with unbridled lust...
She longed for him...
but he was of another world
where she could only visit
in her dreams...
a longing to lie with him
his knees tucked behind hers...
his arms wrapped around her
her breast cupped in his palm...
his manhood pressing against her buttock...
hard.
She longed to feel the warmth of his breath
on the back of her neck...
feel the moisture of his lips
gently nibble her ear lobe...
smell him ... taste him...
She longed to have him roll onto his back
and feel him, pull her on to his body,
to mount him & ride his passion...
her juices oozing...
She longed to take him in her mouth
& suck his wand with unbridled lust...
She longed for him...
but he was of another world
where she could only visit
in her dreams...
Friday, January 3, 2014
a poem...
He was a good husband, everybody knew...
showered her with expensive gifts,
she lived in beautiful house
in the smartest district of town...
her wardrobe filled with designer ball gowns...
he told her, several times everyday
he loved her...
& as she lay her face battered & bruised
staring at her fresh blood on his shoes...
he crouched beside her & said
i'm sorry , you know i love you don't you...
& of course she knew...
wouldn't you?
showered her with expensive gifts,
she lived in beautiful house
in the smartest district of town...
her wardrobe filled with designer ball gowns...
he told her, several times everyday
he loved her...
& as she lay her face battered & bruised
staring at her fresh blood on his shoes...
he crouched beside her & said
i'm sorry , you know i love you don't you...
& of course she knew...
wouldn't you?
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